Who knew? Apparently everyone did, apart from me: you don’t wear shoes on a superyacht. Now, about to step on to my first teak deck at the Monaco Yacht Show, I’ve got to take my trainers off, and I’m having a sock panic. Have they got holes? Do they even match? Do they smell?

To be honest, I’ve come dressed all wrong for Europe’s big annual superyacht trade exhibition. The code for men seems to be crisp and tucked in, blazers and chinos, navy and white, sculpted hair and designer sunnies. (I went colourful, loose, casual). For women, it’s something like Riviera elegance. Everyone – whether they’re Italian, French, English, German, American, exhibitors, buyers, brokers, charterers – seems to know each other. The international superyacht community seems to be a close-knit one, and I’m not part of it. Yet.

For now, though, I’m boarding my first vessel: a relatively modest Zeelander 8 – 23.9 metres (79ft) long, built in the Netherlands. It has a rather retro look about it, with pleasing curves and a rear end not unlike a Porsche’s. I could imagine James Bond at the wheel. It’s fast too, reaching 40 knots (46mph); I could be in Saint-Tropez in a little over an hour.

Downstairs there’s a huge owner’s cabin, plus a couple of double guest cabins, all en suite, with lots of nice details, such as a cream-coloured leather floor. In the less opulent crew quarters, there’s room for two or three. How much does it cost? This one is not actually for sale – some of the boats here are, others are for charter, some just for show. But I could order one just like it, it would take a year and a half to build and cost me about €9.5m (£8m).

Tempting, certainly, but I need to see a few more before rushing into anything. I can’t help noticing that, compared with some of the others packed into Port Hercules, the Zeelander 8 is a bit … well, small. Is it even a superyacht? There seems to be some debate about how long a yacht has to be to be super – some say 24 metres, others 30.

No question about this one – a Fast50, made by Italian builders Baglietto, with room for 12 guests and a crew of nine. It’s not as fast as the Dutch one, despite the name. Its four engines take it to 30 knots, but that’s actually very quick for a 50 metre boat. Perhaps more importantly, its gross tonnage, referring to internal volume, is 499; a sub-500GT yacht isn’t subject to the more stringent safety and environmental rules under the International Maritime Organisation (IMO) that yachts over 500GT are, so they require less frequent surveys and have fewer restrictions on crew size and certification. My favourite features are the large “beach club” (the open deck at the back) and the Jacuzzi right up at the pointy end. Imagine it: sitting with a glass of fizz, in the bubbles, at 30 knots, Céline Dion blasting out … where do I sign?

Oh, again. Not for sale. The first Fast50, fresh from the shipyard, is already sold, but they won’t tell me how much for or who to (superyacht owners can be quite shy). The search continues.

The trouble with superyachting, I’m finding here in Monaco, is that you think you’ve found the perfect vessel, and then you look over there and there’s a bigger, better one. It’s not just me – this is reflected in the Global Order Book, published by Boat International, which tracks construction projects. The 2026 GOB counts the number of yachts over 24 metres under construction globally at 1,093. In 2016, it counted 755 vessels under construction. This year’s figure is actually down 3.95% from last year, but that’s balanced by an increase in average length and gross tonnage. In other words, a few fewer, but they’re getting bigger. New prefixes are required, “mega” and “giga”, but for simplicity’s sake we’ll stick with superyacht. Here at MYS 2026 there are 118 superyachts, with a combined length of 5,508 metres, and a value of €4.5bn.

Despite the sock shame, I’m beginning to feel more comfortable. Most people are friendly. It’s a lovely day on the Côte d’Azur – I’m offered ice-cream, branded fans and straw hats. It’s not just the yachts, there are stands for everything connected. Would I like to come to a wine tasting later “exploring superyacht wine trends”? Of course I would. Am I interested in yachting in Saudi Arabia? Hmmm, maybe next year. There are loads of toys on show – jetskis, eFoils, even submersibles. And if you’re still finding life at sea boring, there’s a portable golf simulator, with cameras and sensors, plus a screen, with hundreds of real courses programmed into it. So after dropping anchor off St Barts you can play a round at St Andrews. It costs €170,000 (£143,000).

And so on to Nixie, built by Lürssen in Germany, owned by co-founder and CEO of Revolut, Nik Storonsky: 102 metres long, with a helipad, glass-bottomed infinity pool, dedicated spa and wellness zone, and a crew of 34, one of whom is busy polishing a stainless steel cleat on the lowest of its decks. Access, though, is “reserved exclusively for direct, potential clients,” says the Lürssen PR. Perhaps they think the average Guardian reader is not in the market to rent a boat the length of a football pitch. Nixie costs €2.4m a week to hire. A lot, I know, but if you split it between the 12 of you …

Anyway, it’s not even the biggest here, which I will be allowed on. First though I pass another – Boardwalk V, only 76.5 metres long and five years old, but this one is for sale, at a discount price! Down €14m, to just €135m. Not including the helicopter. Boardwalk V … it’s ringing a bell. Got it! And now the twin flags on the helicopter’s tail – the American stars and stripes and the tricolore of Italy – make sense. This boat belongs to Tilman Fertitta, billionaire owner of restaurants, hotels, casinos, and the Houston Rockets basketball team, and now Donald Trump’s ambassador to Italy. He made the news in June when hundreds came out to protest after he parked his brand new 117-metre yacht (also named Boardwalk, but without the V) in Venice. He’s got an upgrade – that’s why he’s selling this one.

To be honest there are some proper horrors on show. This one looks like a supersized 80s caravan, that one more like a bridge than a boat, another is bright red – like some kind of firefighting ship. “I don’t understand the clients,” says Rick. “They just want something that’s big and flashy and comfortable, they don’t care about anything else.” Rick is also pretty disparaging about the people who sell these boats, the brokers. “They’re like real estate agents, they say: ‘Look at the master cabin, look at all the light, the big windows,’ it’s all about the interior space.”

Guess what Rick does? Yup, yacht broker. It’s why we’ve changed his name. He also points out something about the way they look. “I don’t know if you’ve heard the analogy, but they look like irons.” As in electric irons, to do the ironing with, and oh my God, he’s so right – that shape, pointy at the bow, then rising and widening as you go aft, with a squared off swim platform … As Rick says, “once you see it, you can’t unsee it.”

In a 2024 study, Oxfam identified 23 superyachts owned by 18 billionaires and estimated the average annual carbon footprint of each of these yachts to be 5,672 tonnes. For an average citizen of the world it would take 860 years to produce the same amount.

Oxfam zoomed in further to one family, the Waltons, heirs of the Walmart chain and owners of three superyachts (at this level you’re not talking about the haves and the have-yachts, you’re talking about the have-yachts and the have-lots-of-yachts). They travelled 56,000 nautical miles in a year with a combined carbon footprint of 18,000 tonnes. That’s equivalent to the carbon emissions of about 1,700 Walmart employees.

Superyachts use an awful lot of fuel – some of the bigger ones use more than 500 litres of diesel per hour, releasing CO2 as well as nitrogen oxides and sulphur dioxide into the atmosphere. The recreational boating sector as a whole – including yachts – produces about 16m tonnes of CO2 annually. It’s not just when they’re going along; at anchor they operate onboard generators to run their “hotel loads” (for air conditioning, stabilisation systems, lighting, galleys, hot tubs, etc) which emit further CO2. In addition, the vessels’ big anchors and chains act like the grim reaper’s scythe on the Posidonia seagrass which grows on the Mediterranean seabed and is a vital habitat for sea life as well as a source of oxygen.

And there are more and more of them. The big increases came in 2022 and 2023 when, as Boat International puts it, “orders soared as UHNWIs sought private holiday cocoons.” UHNWIs, you’ll know, are ultra-high net worth individuals, but why the big boom? Because a superyacht is “the best way to practise social distancing in a very safe and very comfortable way,” says Grégory Salle. Covid was brilliant for the superyacht sector, in other words. Salle is talking to me by video from Lille where he works at the French National Centre for Scientific Research. He’s also author of the thoroughly researched and surprisingly entertaining book Superyachts: Luxury, Tranquility and Ecocide, which has a whole chapter devoted to Posidonia seagrass.

Ecocide is not the superyacht’s only crime. “It has really become the symbol of excessive, unjustifiable wealth,” Salle says. Even though the gap between most of us and the people who have them is virtually unfathomable, “it looks like provocation, especially when all you’re hearing and reading about is crisis, austerity, poverty – including child poverty.”

Superyachts are also a kind of floating paradox that Salle calls “conspicuous seclusion. On the one hand they’re meant to be noticed, they’re massive, you can’t miss them. But at the same time the interior is hidden and of course it can sail away and escape ordinary people.”

Salle uses words and phrases such as “plutocracy”, “oligarchy” and the new “global super-bourgeoisie” about the people who own them, a “transnational capitalist class” who operate outside and above borders and rules. Look at the stern of the superyachts, under the name, and they’re almost all registered in places such as the Cayman Islands, the Marshall Islands, the Isle of Man and Malta – flag states offering, among other benefits, tax neutrality.

It’s hard to hide a superyacht, or ownership of one. We know about Mark Zuckerberg’s 118-metre Launchpad, and Jeff Bezos’s 127-metre Koru, estimated to have cost €444m. Koru caused a stir in 2022, when a historic bridge in Rotterdam, a Dutch national monument, was going to be dismantled in order to let it through. After the uproar its masts were stepped downstream in the end. Koru is actually a sailing yacht, which might sound like a greener way of doing it, but then Bezos also has a 75-metre support vessel, with additional crew accommodation, helipad, submarine, speedboats and cars, that follows Koru around like a loyal dog. Zuckerberg’s got a couple of support vessels too.

Roman Abramovich is another big fan of a yacht. Using leaked documents, Forbes counted 16 belonging to the Russian oligarch. My ship location app tells me that the superest of his fleet – Solaris (140-metres) and Eclipse (162-metres), both registered in the Cook Islands – are now parked in the Sea of Marmara, near Istanbul. When western governments seized Russian oligarchs’ assets after the invasion of Ukraine, Turkey refused to join the sanctions and became a bolt-hole.

Eclipse doesn’t even eclipse everything. The world’s longest superyacht, at 180-metres, is Azzam, launched in 2013 for Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan of Abu Dhabi, who died in 2022, but according to Boat International and the Superyacht Fan website, Azzam is still in the family. When you get to this level it’s not always clear who owns a yacht, as they can be held in trusts or shell companies, sometimes across several jurisdictions.

Take Dilbar for example – a little shorter than Azzam but the world’s largest by volume. In June Bloomberg reported that a cou…

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